I got published on McSweeneys! I’m officially a hipster.

I wrote it while I was actually studying for the LSAT. Special thanks to Kamphey for advice on rewriting it.

LSAT Practice
by Shaun Spalding

A concerned father drops three boys (Peter, Dom, and Björn), three girls (Henrietta, Elaine, and Meghan), and his daughter (Lorelei) off at the local mall’s theater. He wants to know which one of the boys will be making out with his daughter during the movie. He knows that each of the eighth-graders will make out at least once but not more than twice before the movie ends. He also knows that the following conditions must apply:

• Elaine will not make out with Björn until she’s made out with Peter (because she and Björn are in an open relationship and she’s testing the waters).
• Henrietta will not make out with Peter or Dom (because she only dates older guys).
• If Lorelei makes out with both Henrietta and Elaine, then Peter and Björn will make out. (They made a bet.)
• Meghan will always make out last (because she’s ugly).
• Dom will always be paired with Meghan (because he’s desperate).

1. If Lorelei goes to get popcorn and is forced to sit between Dom and Meghan during the previews, which of the following must be true?

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