[There was such a good response to this when I posted this on Facebook, I’m reposting it here]

To all of my middle class and upper-middle class friends:

Good morning,
On May 2nd and 3rd a cyclone hit Burma (in Southeast Asia) and has killed 10,000+ people. The liberal media, the Disney Corporation, the Illuminati, and George Bush senior’s secret police have probably all been conspiring to cover this up because apparently no-body cares.

Another million people are said to be affected by the cyclone. Just like hurricane Katrina, this disaster is pretty epic: homes, infrastructure, and roads have all been leveled. But unlike Katrina, where the physical damage amounted to about $100 billion of dollars, there wasn’t even $100 billion worth of stuff in Myanmar to begin with.

This poses a problem! Who is going to pay to rebuild a city that had no economy in the first place?

You, you lucky sons and daughters of a wealthy nation! I’ve already donated money, but I want to do more. For any money that you all donate personally, I’ll donate another 5%. Think of it as a SUPER DONATION you’ll be making.

Google: Donate with Google and they will match your donation

The Hunger Site: Donate here in $25 increments

Either way, post how much you donate in the comments section, or send me an email at [ elverdefurioso (at) hotmail (dot) com ]. I’ll collect the amounts and send my 5% bonus in about a weeks or so. Feel free to share this link with others.

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

Q: What is a cyclone?

A: A conflagration of circular winding.

Q: What caused the cyclone?

A: Satan, Theodore Roosevelt’s Weather Engine, global warming, and bad luck.

Q: What is global warming?

A: Global warming isn’t real.

Q: If I didn’t cause the cyclone, why would I give money I earned to help these people?

A: You can afford a metal bucket. These people can’t. You don’t need a bucket. A person in Burma needs that bucket to walk 10 miles to the only source of drinkable water.

Q: Why should I care about Burma?

A: There’s no reason at all for you to care about Burma. You live in the USA. The United States is not Burma.

Q: If there’s no reason why I should care about Burma, why should I give my money to help it?

A: One could make the logic argument that if you were in the same situation you’d want to make friends who could help you out. This doesn’t really make sense in this situation because (a) you will never personally be hit by a cyclone (b) if you did personally get hit by a cyclone, you would have no need for money any more (c) the people of Burma couldn’t possibly pay you back for any of the money you gave even if they wanted to repay you sometime in the future.

Q: So how do I benefit by donating?

A: You don’t. You’re probably better off trying to double your money playing internet roulette to buy yourself another Gucci bag.

Q: So who benefits by donating?

A:One million Burma cyclone survivors without aid: UN

“Salt water has poisoned the rice paddies and it is unlikely they will grow anything for years. The wells are contaminated, food stores are gone, livestock has been swept away, there is no sanitation and no food or clean water.”
[link]

Burma cyclone toll climbs as one million missing

“On Sunday [May 11th], Myanmar’s state television said the death toll from Cyclone Nargis had gone up by about 5,000 to 28,458 — with another 33,416 missing — though some experts said it could be 15 times that if people do not get clean water and sanitation soon.”

Amarapura, Burma. Image taken by MikeRussia on flickr. The creator has granted GFDL licensing and permission for use in the wikimedia project.