This is a Please Respond segment that was supposed to be filmed in Orlando a year and a half ago with Kamphey, but we had to cancel on the actress because other people had already canceled on us. I still think it’s funny.

(click here for more…adult content advisory…)

INT. CLUB
POE, Asian with a gold chain and Italian shirt, sits at the bar.

SUPER: “Hot and spicy talent wanted: Future SuperStarZ Ententainment.”

He addresses the camera while being served a drink.

POE
A-yo, It’s Poe — aka Edgar Allen aka The Raven — here. I’m shooting this music video with a camera. But it’s like experimental-type shit, so the thing about it is that I gotta get like two hot girls to get butt-ass nekkid and cover themselves in hot sauce — not real hot sauce though, fake hot sauce. One o’ you chicks wants to get wild, right?

(beat)

Hit me up. Sincerely, Poe.

CUT TO:

INT. BY THE POOL
SUPER: “RE: Hot and spicy talent… I’d like more info”

CLAIRE addresses the camera, naive.

CLAIRE
Good afternoon Mister Edgar Allen Poe. My name is Claire. I’m a model slash actress who lives near the downtown Miami area — and I love hot sauce! — so I’d like to know more about your project.

(beat)

I’ve recently moved here from Bainbrooke Township, Iowa, so I’m not exactly sure how the industry works down here, but your project definitely sounds intriguing. I’ve never had to cover myself in food for any type of role before, but I’m always open to new things.

(beat)

Please take a look at the resume I’ve attached, and let me know if I’m someone you’d be looking for. My previous roles have included Mary in the Bainbrooke Township high school nativity play and Lady MacBeth.

(beat)

Feel free to contact me if you have any more questions about me: height, measurements, food allergies, etc. As soon as I get some more details about the project, I can give you a definitive yes or no.